Rain, rain, go away...

This post is going to be severely out of chronological order and the reason being is that I want to write this down while it is still fresh in my mind. Up until now I have been telling you the back story of Diva and myself but yesterday Diva and I entered our first farm trial.

Rain, seems like it has been in short supply a lot of places this year. In fact just one week earlier we were working dogs with temps in the high 90's and humidity levels that left you sweating in minutes. It was hot, wet, and miserable but we are stock people and we're hardcore ;-). This is why the idea of cooler temps and some rain didn't seem all that terrible weather for the farm trial. After all the point is to simulate real farm work and on a real farm you can't always wait for the rain to pass by.

To say my day started out hectic was putting it mildly. Due to my own errors my alarm wasn't set right so when I woke to a huge clap of thunder and opened my eyes it seemed very light out. A quick check of the clock showed me I was about an hour past my target wake up time and now in serious danger of missing the handlers meeting. I let Diva out to potty, threw on some clothes, and bolted for the truck. No shower, no breakfast, and no time for anything. Diva ate in the truck on the way (such a good girl) and I proceeded to speed as fast as I could the entire 2 hour drive from my house to the trial. It turns out the scattered showers that were called for were more like torrential downpours! Never fear, we are stock people and we're hardcore ;-).

Judge, Ken Silveira, gave us our handler's meeting and course walk through and the run order was announced. I was 3rd to go. Coming into this trial I had stressed about what would happen when we got to the portion where we worked the ducks. Diva loves ducks and she has very good focus but she had also only ever worked them 3 times and for probably a cumulative total of 30 minutes. I laid awake at night thinking about those ducks and how I would handle that part. In my mind the ducks were where we were going to have problems if any were to occur. In practice I felt pretty confident that we could get through the sheep work portions. Diva might still be fast and close but she is never tricky and she usually settles into her work. The longer time of a farm trial seemed a perfect chance for her and I.

When it came time for our run the rain was really coming down. It was what you might call really good duck weather :). Diva and I got set up, the sheep were put out, and the run started. True to young dog form she did her gather and fetch in the first pen with speed but the sheep came to me and we were off. Through the gate to the big field Diva covered well(if a little to enthusiastically) and the sheep did not get away as I closed and latched the gate. From there we were to go to the chute exercise. While the dog held the sheep in the chute we had to mark 3 head that we would later use in the sorting portion. Diva had a lovely chute and as I was heading with the sheep up to graze I was happy. We left our sheep at the graze and proceeded to the open handlers cone to do the gather. I have been working on Diva's outrun for some time but she still hasn't gotten the slingshot idea and she doesn't make the best arc around her stock. What we have noticed is that she prefers to cover most of the distance straight on and then she goes around when she is closer. She does this without influencing the stock very much so although it isn't "pretty" it does work for her. The gather was also fast but went well and we moved on to the next task of putting the sheep in the trailer. This time at the gate the sheep bolted for a very strong draw and I didn't let Diva cover. I asked her to sit while I closed the gate and then re-organized before sending her to fetch them back. In the corner by the draw Diva made a little mess but put things back together and brought the sheep to the trailer. Onto the trailer the sheep went and that was that. Getting the sheep off the trailer again was less than perfect because by now the ground was very slippery and the lambs in my group were falling when they ran :(. Diva and I collected our sheep and moved into the barn yard for the sort. This is where everything that was going pretty well fell apart.

The task was to collect your sheep and move then into the center stall of 3 in the barn. At that point you were supposed to sort your 3 marked sheep into one stall and then put the group back together. The re-pen area is in the top corner of the barn yard and is obviously a very strong draw with all of the other sheep being there. With the rain coming down in buckets the barn yard was very muddy and getting slippery. When I sent Diva to collect them from the corner she did and they started to come to me. I wasn't fast enough with the stall door though and a few broke past me and ran back to the draw. What I ended up with was 4 sheep in the stall and 3 back by the draw. I sent Diva out to get them again and she did but the sheep weren't coming to me this time and they kept breaking back for the draw. In my mind this part wasn't supposed to be an issue. It hadn't been in practice and so instead of walking right up to the sheep and helping Diva I just kept sending her out to get them on her own. This went on for what felt like forever but in reality it was probably only 3 or 4 minutes and I was beside myself. Diva kept trying but without my support the remaining 3 sheep were not coming down to that stall. Suddenly the rain that had been so obnoxious was very much appreciated for it hid my tears. I'm not sure what good I thought crying would do but as I continued to try and make this work the tears poured down my face and no one was the wiser. In the end I decide to leave the 3 sheep and move into the stall to sort what I had. Diva did well in the stall but I was already feeling the low of knowing I had sealed our fate. We sorted the one sheep we had and then moved the group back out into the barn yard where we collected the 3 and headed to the pen for the duck work. I guess the good news was that I no longer was stressing over the ducks. I knew we wouldn't Q and I just wanted to finish the course under time. With the sheep in the holding pen I put Diva in a down while I opened the duck pen. I sent her to the outside of the pen to push them out and we started down the fence line for the bridge. Diva pushed a little to much and our ducks pulled off the fence but I circled around and let her fetch them back into position before we tried again. Success! The ducks went right over the bridge and Diva moved them over to the graze. We waited for them to settle and then while I was opening the pen gate I sent her out to gather and we penned them back up. How ironic that the portion I worried over the most actually went the best! The rest of the run was easy as pie, we moved the sheep from the hold pen back up to the take pen and put them away. When the gate closed we were done.

I can't tell you how many emotions were going through my head as I walked down to talk to the judge. I do atleast feel good about the fact that I remembered to pat Diva and tell her how great she was. She had done her best for me and the fault was not hers. Ken was very kind and had lots of nice things to say but in that moment I wasn't in a place where I could really appreciate it. He compliment her on her duck work and I do remember him saying that she was a very nice started dog. As I walked out of the pen I was smiling but on the inside I was still crying as hard as ever. It's a very odd gut wrenching sense of disappointment when you have wanted something so bad and have very little experience doing it. In my own little private pity party I felt broken. I immediately started second guessing my entries at Nationals and debating if I should give my started cattle run up.

The show (or in this case trial) must of course go on so I put Diva away and went out to time the remaining runs. It's good experience and in doing so I got to talk to Ken and hear many of his thoughts on dogs, working, and how to handle certain situations. The rain continued to pour down and periodically I would find myself grateful that it was doing so. 5 runs later the trial was over and some very nice runs were had. I think that despite the weather everyone had a good time and the dogs did a fantastic job. Diva and I stayed to get our score sheet and to chat up with friends before it was time to head for home. I had folded my score sheet the moment it was handed to me because I didn't want to look but when I got in the truck and pulled out of the drive I felt compelled to take a peak. Our score was 89/130. I had actually lost more points in the sort alone than I had in the chute, trailer, ducks, and gather combined. 2 hours is a pretty decent amount of time to reflect and I will admit that I had myself a decent cry once I was alone on the road. I cried because I was mad at myself and because I had let Diva down. I cried because we are better than how we trialed and because it all came down to that one area. But most of all I cried because I needed to. In doing so I was trying to let go of the hurt and self doubt. To move past the failure and see the success. There will always be another trial and God willing someday I may actually have a run that doesn't include me "getting through it" despite myself.

So this is where I am right now. I am still upset and yes, I am still feeling some self doubt. I want to call it quits because that is safe and I want to make excuses for why it didn't go well but the truth is it just wasn't my day. I will not give up because Diva deserves better than that and I know that I can be better. Tomorrow is a new day and there is stock to be worked and lessons to learned.....